Sex, We Are Going to Talk About It
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Let me start by saying, do you know how hard it was to find the right picture for this? I needed one to express what I was going to write about, yet still not wholly shock anyone before getting too far into reading this. I think I did ok. We're all adults. And this topic is about sex, after all. Stay with me.
Once upon a time, I would've had a hard time getting some of you off each other. Anytime, anyplace, as many times as one can fit in a day. If you're still that couple..close this. You've got better, more fun things to do. ;)
But, for most reading this, while it was once like that, pregnancy happened...then baby happened...then life happened...and maybe somewhere baby 2 magically happened and then..you get the picture.
Yet, in the middle of the busy times of life, the stress and challenges that can come with raising a little one(s), we're not doing enough of the very thing that can help with relaxation, bonding and connection. Sex.
If you're like most parents, one of you in the relationship doesn't feel like you're having enough sex. Whether it's your or your partner, continue reading to learn more about how to increase libido and ways to have more sex in your relationship.
Let's talk about the many benefits of sex, shall we?
- Reduces stress
- More robust immune system (bye bye colds and flu!)
- Regulates menstrual cycle
- Improves heart health
- Lower blood pressure
- Helps build a strong relationship
- Skin...glows (who doesn't want that?!)
- Burns calories (skip the gym! just kidding...but maybe!)
- Increases confidence
- Builds stronger pelvic muscles
- Happiness (in the form of the oxytocin hormone)
- Increases sexual desires
- Improves sleep (sweet!!)
- I could go on...
I forgot...why aren't we doing this more often again?! Oh yeah...life. So, how do you make this happen?
RELATED ARTICLE: What Are the Five Love Languages for Couples
How to Raise Your Sex Drive
There’s usually one partner that has a lower sex drive than the other. And while it's normal for sexual drive to fluctuate, if you're finding that yours is more low than high, I’ll give you some tips on how to raise your sex drive and libido.
Tell your partner what you like
First, one thing to remember is that for many females, sex arousal comes after stimulation or foreplay. So, all it means is that while you may not be instantly into having sex the moment your partner says “Wanna do it?”, you most likely will be fully turned on if your partner spends time stimulating and arousing you with foreplay.
The best way to talk to your partner about what feels good to you sexually is by having a healthy discussion or showing your partner. “Touch me like this, or this feels good to me when you do this…” are helpful ways to let your partner know what you want sexually.
Explore what arouses you. Maybe it's sex toys, kink, words, role playing, being touched a certain way, but finding out what makes you sexually more aroused can be a fun time in itself (especially when you have a motivated partner).
Get more sleep
I know, I know...you’re a mom. You most likely already aren’t getting enough sleep. But, sleep is how your body is rested, your brain is restore, and your overall emotional wellness is improved.
I used to be a night owl. I would stay up until midnight or longer and still wake up early because of my kids. Hence, I wasn’t waking up rested. Eventually, I trained myself to go to bed early to maximize the amount of sleep I receive a night. And now it’s so much better!
It’s not that being an early to bed, early to rise person will make you a sex goddess. But, that figuring out what gets you the best sleep will help your brain restore, your body rest, and increase your overall wellness.
Reduce Stress Level
When you’re stressed, the last thing you want to do is get it on. If your stress levels are high, your sex drive is going to plummet.
RELATED ARTICLE: Natural Ways to Reduce Stress and Anxiety
Talk to your partner about your stress level. As a team discuss ways that you can receive more support in reducing what is causing you stress.
Have a relationship check-in
How’s your relationship with your partner? Research shows that sex drive is affected by the emotional connection and security between couples.
I recommend couples have a monthly check-in with each other.
Ask yourselves these questions every month as a way to make sure that you’re both satisfied with your relationship. Use a 1-10 (10 being the best) to give your answers.
- How much do you feel loved by me?
- How much do you feel supported by me?
- How much do you feel that you’re my number one?
When you ask your partner these questions, follow each one by asking, “How can I get you to a 10?” And then switch so that your partner asks these to you as well.
I like this relationship check-in since it’s a non-confrontational, healthy way to read on how your partner feels and then receive what your partner needs to feel better about the relationship with you.
Go see a Naturopathic Doctor
A Naturopathic Doctor is health care providers educated and trained in accredited naturopathic medical colleges. The difference between a Naturopathic Doctor and a traditional doctor is that they will focus on the underlying issue.
A Naturopathic Doctor takes a holistic approach to your care, whether it’s physical or psychological. I’ve been seeing my Naturopathic Doctor for years and she’s helped me with emotional wellness, removing allergens from my body, and improving my health.
If the reason that your sexual drive is low is because of hormones for example, a Naturopathic Doctor can work with you to increase your hormone levels naturally.
Making Sex Happen as Parents
For real, book it. Make a sex appointment with your partner and make it happen. Maybe not the most romantic method there is, but as busy people, even sex needs to be penciled in or it may not occur.
Forget the Bed
Got a kid still in your bed or worried that the kiddo sleeping next to your bedroom will hear you? Then skip the bed! Go to the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room...get creative.
Some of the best sex I’ve had has happened in the kitchen. Sex can happen anywhere, so if the reason you’re both not having more sex is because of location, then switch it up.
Day or Night. Anytime
Too tired at night? Ok. Then have sex other times of the 24 hours in a day. Maybe it’ll be early morning before the kids wake up, or a lunchtime quickie in the mini-van (yes, it’s happened), but find alternative times to the usual “bedtime sex” that work better for the both of you.
Bye, Bye Kiddo!
Have family or friends (get 20% off at Care.com) that want to take your little one for a few hours? Perfect. Let them do that and then have fun at home.
Can't get a sitter? No problem, get a box of Night In Boxes (here) and make a date night after the kids are in bed.
Remember, at the beginning, there was you and your partner. This still matters. Have fun, touch each other more during the day, more hugs, more hand-holding and more building up that bond that makes sex even easier to make a part of your life. Enjoy!
Want more for more mindful, holistic wellness and positive parenting resources? Check out Loom Mothers Circle!