Your relationship falling apart does not mean you’ve failed. Think of it this way, relationship conflicts can be catalysts for growth.
This article will cover why relationships fall apart and what you can do when your relationship is falling apart.
I know that when a relationship is struggling, it can feel like your life is falling apart. Humans rely heavily on the emotional support and wellness that a relationship brings.
Relationships tend to be the cornerstone of our lives, having forgotten that we were fully human beings before we ever got into a relationship.
Research shows that the thought of a relationship ending (or if it does indeed ends) is the same feeling as losing a loved one. We go through the same grieving process as one who has lost someone to death.
So, suppose you’re finding yourself in a relationship that is falling apart, and you’re feeling all of the feelings. In that case, you should know that this is entirely normal.
However, you may be wondering what to do if your relationship is falling apart, so I will reveal some of the foundational reasons a relationship falls apart and what you can do to save it.
Signs that Your Relationship is in Trouble
1) Your arguments become toxic.
Yes, arguing and disagreements are expected in a relationship with someone. You can be angry, frustrated, and with a desire to take time away from your partner when you’re in the middle of an argument.
But, it is not normal for disagreements to become disrespectful, such as name-calling, yelling, demeaning, and condescending.
Whether or not your relationship started with toxic arguments as part of your norm does not justify their acceptance.
In healthy, conscious relationships, arguments can get heated, but a level of trust and understanding remains throughout.
A good relationship means communicating the same way you’d want to be treated, even throughout an argument.
So, if you find that your arguments are toxic, this is a sign that your relationship is in trouble and falling apart.
Keep reading as we discuss how to save a relationship that is falling apart.
2) You can’t imagine living life without your partner.
Romantic movies have us believing our identity should be tied to our partners.
It’s common to hear phrases like “You complete me” and think that’s exactly how it should be.
But, one of the most troubling hidden signs that a relationship is in trouble is the feeling that you could not live a happy life without your partner.
It is not to say that humans don’t need humans because we do. But, when we place our value and happiness on someone else, we put a heavy load on the other person.
Placing your sense of happiness on another individual eventually leads to resentment or disappointment when you’re not feeling happy. Many couples, they find themselves in co-dependent relationships.
In a healthy, conscious relationship, individuals feel complete, happy, and self-dependent while sharing their lives. A promising sign of this is when you think you want and desire your partner but do not necessarily need your partner to be happy.
3) You constantly check in on your partner because you need more trust.
When you’re in a relationship that is in trouble and lacking trust, you may find yourself doing these harmful actions:
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You feel the need to check your partner’s phone and text messages.
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Stalking their social media for disapproving likes and following.
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You need to know their every move and location.
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Questioning what they say because you don’t trust that they are speaking the truth
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Feeling anxiety or discomfort when they leave because you suspect they may be somewhere different.
In a healthy relationship, you have complete trust in your partner; therefore, believe in what they say and trust that their actions around you and away from you are honest and with integrity.
Trust is a strong foundation in a good relationship, so if it isn’t in yours, that’s a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
4) You feel that most of your relationship problems are their fault.
Do you wish the relationship would be so much better if they only changed this or that?
You may have even had numerous discussions (or arguments) with your partner about what they need to do differently to make the relationship more uncomplicated.
And when discussing your relationship with your best friend, you find that it’s mostly about what your partner does to annoy or irritate you.
In a healthy relationship, each individual recognizes that they are 100% responsible for half of the relationship. So while there may be improvements that your partner can make to create more harmony in the relationship, they are responsible for making that happen.
You can only control your reactions and behaviors but cannot do that for someone else.
Your partner blames you for most of the problems in the relationship, which is a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
5) You feel your partner is holding you back from your personal growth.
You may be at the beginning of a Spiritual Awakening or starting to explore your inner-child wounds and healing. Still, most of the time you try talking to your partner about your experience, your partner dismisses or diminishes your experience.
Your partner may show little interest or desire to learn about your personal growth and experience.
And so eventually, you call your friend to talk since you cannot have these discussions with your partner.
It may show up in personal growth and life, parenting, or work growth.
The one person who should be most happy for you shows little interest.
Whereas in a healthy, conscious relationship, your partner not only cheers you on and actively listens to you but helps you grow and encourages you to achieve your goals.
Couples in a relationship that lacks support will find their relationship falling apart.
6) You or your partner no longer care to make things better.
At one point in relationships that are falling apart, one or the other person gives up on making things better.
Oddly enough, you may no longer argue about the same things.
It’s almost as if your relationship is on auto-pilot but lacks emotional support, intimacy, and connection.
The therapy sessions begin to fade away, date nights become less and less, and it’s rare to touch or laugh in playfulness together.
Most people who divorced had thoughts of divorce for at least two years before they initiated the divorce.
Whereas in a healthy relationship, couples know that growth and actively connecting are vital to the wellness of the relationship.
What do you do when your relationship is falling apart
Even if you see just one of the above in your relationship, it’s time to take action.
I recommend all couples see therapy or coaching as a part of their relationship’s maintenance.
Just like we take our cars in for maintenance, we must also “take” our relationship via a family therapist or a coach specializing in families and couples.
Be proactive and stay proactive throughout the life of your relationship before there are more problems in the relationship.
In addition, individuals should examine their triggers and inner-child wounds and see where those may appear in the relationship. Remember, you are 100% responsible for part, and rarely does a relationship’s health rely on one person only.
My relationship is falling apart, what can I do to save it?
A healthy relationship has trust, responsibility, aspirations, forgiveness, and autonomy. These are also what make up a conscious relationship.
A failing relationship can turn around and improve. However, we need to strengthen ourselves first as individuals and as part of the relationship because we cannot control others.
It’s often necessary to lead by example and encourage your partner towards their growth and healing through the attraction of how you are becoming an independent, happy, self-assured individual.
Please know that this does not apply if there’s abuse towards yourself or your children. In that case, your priority is your safety.
But a relationship that has no abuse and is falling apart has hope.
Professional therapists use a variety of approaches to help couples improve their relationships.
Let’s look at three common and effective methods.
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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
With this method, your therapist helps you and your partner change how you think and act. This therapy stops behaviors and thoughts that are hurting your relationship. It also boosts your communication skills and problem-solving abilities.
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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Using this approach, your therapist helps you better understand and manage your emotions. As you use EFT, you learn to express your needs and feelings in a way that brings you and your partner closer instead of causing fights.
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The Gottman Method
This method, created by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, guides you and your partner to become better friends, argue healthily, and create a shared life story. You’ll engage in exercises and activities to enhance closeness, improve communication, and solve conflicts more effectively.
Remember, you and your partner must be committed to working hard and making changes for these methods to succeed.
Ultimately, you’ll have to determine if you’re willing to re-commit to yourself and your partner. It’s best to make that decision once you’ve healed and reached more growth within yourself and with the help of a therapist or coach.
